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insensible Monday, Apr. 28, 2003 "insensible" is on repeat and even the clicking of whatever it is he's touching is how ee cummings might have written sound... feeling done wrong only because the song says i should, and i can feel the closing up of us when we feel it getting too much, the quicker kisses, but we understand at the same time, a week, a month, four months, your life is in three's, but i can see my life in four's, my tense four feet that keep me company like the air surrounding my hips as i breeze past you, four feet, four years, four months, four is the ugliest number to me... singing a sweet surrender in case i might remember, that i put my hand on the glass window to wave goodbye and i kept it there, i kept it there the whole ride home and i admit, i didn't do it just to see if you'd miss it, and you did, so i guess confirmation comes in all forms and i could love you if i wanted to but according to the world, i get in over my head in the very beginning, hopeful to the point of partial return, it's like i hardly see the sky some days, it's like you hardly said a word, it's like i hardly see the sky some days, and i'd do better if i turned my head knowing you did love but it was synchronized, and i'm filled with white lies that leaves me hungry again minutes later, i'm so sorry but i feel good now and i felt good before and i miss pain enough for me to remember falling on that towel that i put there on purpose, hit it so the blood stains wouldn't give my pain away, as if the scars weren't proof enough; missing it makes me remember and feel sad for a second. but i wouldn't cut myself again not much is worth bleeding over, unless i lost perspective so much more to consider when i'm writing with my eyes closed, and not thinking so much not thinking so much let's see let's see let's see who i remember myself to be, who i compare myself with which former me, i'm not interested in finding myself because i'm already here for now and i've got your polaroid in my visor like the typical thing to do is fall in love with you, and i can see the threads, i can see the sweet i just want to be surrounded by something bigger, some noise that fills my eyes if i turned my head, i feel like i'm being done right this time, and i want to make love for the first time in years in years in years in years, i want this
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