|
divorcing Thursday, Jul. 31, 2003 DISCLAIMER: This is not meant to make light of divorce in its analogy. Just a clever metaphore/simile i was pleased to think up since i've only been awake for 10 minutes. Coles and i are behaving much like a relatively calm divorce case. we don't speak, but we make noises around the other person, to show them we're still here. Well, she does it a whole lot more than i do. Walking towards my room singing, then turning into her room. Laughing loudly. all. the. time. The desperation in it is almost humorous, "Look, i'm SO HAPPY even though we're not close anymore!" When she's around my lesbian friends, she refers to her particular female friend as "my girl", and it makes me sick. We don't say goodbye to each other, we just say it in each other's vicinity. We no longer say where we're going, we no longer invite each other to go out- even if we know we'll end up at the same places (and on a territorial, bitter note, she's regularly going to the two places *I* found, Polo and Sully's. Not ok.). Sidenote: She applied to work at, and got the job, at City Steam. Hartford's only FOUR LEVEL RESTAURANT. So when she comes home and is bitching about her goddamn legs and feet? Shut the FUCK up, 'cause you applied for it, don't look so goddamn surprised. We are polite and the best of friends around the realator who's been coming by frequently. We agree and even make eye contact with each other and smile. Otherwise, she called my not-so-much-a-bluff, and is responding to my coldness with coldness of her own. This must be the only reason for it. Strange, though, she had a dream a long time ago, that we were living together, and it ended our friendship. Right on. The main reason for this failing of friendship, almost white to black, is that she used the words "Selfish" and "Manupulative" to describe me. To my face (of all places). Said i shouldn't be with Ash, said i shouldn't line myself up to get hurt, 'cause all that's gonna happen is that i'll cry and don't worry- She'll be there to cry to. fuck that. On similar lines, she must've seen Ash as a little, helpless girl to be manipulated into a relationship that SHE wanted longer than i have. Sure. Fuck that too, while we're at it. So it just made me realize a whole lot about Coles- 1. She misses my attention, and has been missing it since Ash came in the picture. her affinity for being chased by me is obvious, and she's not happy it's over, 2. Though she's been through terrible things with love (finding her at the time, recent ex boyfriend hung in his apartment), she can't seem to appreciate any kind of unconventional love story, and 3. i didn't know her as well as i thought, and she doesn't know me as truly as i thought. no big deal. so it is. it's not angry, we're civil, i just know i'm not interested anymore. she's a sad ending to me, i guess, i'd hoped worlds more for her.
For fun, here's a picture of me right now (thanks, new webcam!), all sorts of glamorous with my coffee and cigarette and girlfriend's father's t-shirt. Amen.
|
Contact Me Older Entries Newest Entries Diaryland a day early - Sunday, Aug. 17, 2003 so. - Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 divorcing - Thursday, Jul. 31, 2003 the usual concern - Tuesday, Jul. 29, 2003 san fran - Thursday, Jul. 24, 2003 notifylist |
