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friends... Wednesday, Apr. 23, 2003 Life is good. Spent the night with Ash last night, we stayed in bed and laughed into each other until 4 in the morning, when i had to get up to take Paul to the airport. Still clothed, smoking a cigarette, she asked if it was okay to kiss me outside the bedroom. I laughed, because all this time, i've felt like the one that would beg first. It feels GOOD. It feels equal. We're both elusively honest, somehow we pull that off, and we laugh. All the time. Our time together feels nothing less than a solid GOOD. I think it'll be okay. We're both on the same page. She's coming over tonight to watch a movie and snuggle.
On another note, check out the www.mysometimeswhy.blogspot site... Coles is absolutely livid/disappointed/crushed by/at me because i haven't been there enough for her. Problem being, all the times i'd say "Call me if you need me", sincerely, weren't getting through to her, and my lack of mind-reading is making her think i'm a bad friend. Which is shocking. Two years of intimate, intense, passionate connections as friends, and she thinks because i haven't called her during something she's going through, that i don't care. Our conversation last night consisted of her tearful, hurt tone of voice explaining why she was so upset at me, my explanation and apology, and her saying she can't deal with it, and hanging up. It's shit like that that pisses me off. I didn't speak to Phil for nearly the whole year i was in DC, but i knew that if i needed him, he would be there. I don't need a goddamn phone call once a week to keep my faith in us in one piece. And now that i remember, the last i spoke with her before she got angry, on Friday, she apologized for venting about her situation... And i threw up my hands and said, "COLES! I would walk out of my WEDDING DAY if you needed me to be there for you!". Apperantly that one wasn't effective enough. Perhaps she would expect me to walk out of my wedding day a few times just to make sure she didn't need me. Fuck that. I'm blaming it on her state of mind, which is why i'm not torn up about it. But, as i said in the blog, i do not beg. i DO not beg. Well anyway. The day is going slowly, mainly because time slows in direct relation to how excited you are to get home, and Ash will be there waiting. Here's to good friends, in many ways. slan...
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